So as of late I have been hearing and seeing a lot of my fellow females venting about or in a discussion about finding love or the lack thereof. I am all for female empowerment and I truly believe that we should always stand up and encourage one another, but
With that being said, ladies STOP LOOKING FOR WHAT YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO FIND!
Ok, so I am in a position at this point in my life where I have a lot of young ladies and sometimes even older women wanting to talk to me about relationships and “my where” prior to marriage. What I want to say is that I am a happily married woman, but it took certain steps to get to the point that I am now. Crazy thing is when I began dating my husband I was happy in my single life and enjoying going on casual dates with different people. I was at a point in life where associates were good enough for me and if my mindset didn’t fit the need/want of others then we were never meant to mingle or talk at all.
- My main focus for this post is this scripture, “When a man finds a wife, HE finds a good thing.”
- Now in no way, form, or fashion am I trying to be all saved and sanctified or act like I have never been there. I have been in many bad or not so good situations, but one thing that I never believed in was chasing a man. My mother never raised me to believe that I was supposed to give my all in any relationship with anyone other than my husband. Now me, I may have taken that too far because I didn’t give to much of anything in any relationship that I was in. Seeing me in my weakest moments or weak over you wasn’t something that I was going to do. What we as females need to learn is to stop trying to seek out what we want. That was never meant for us to do, there is a man out there looking for what he feels is his perfect match, and have you considered the fact that your looking could be hindering his finding? Allow time to get to know yourself and enjoy that, rather than making yourself look available for what should just come.
- Think about how much energy your putting into trying to be what you think your perfect guy wants and simply be who you are. That in itself can be very exhausting and needless to say,stressful when you get in the relationship that you dressed up for and have to keep that up. Now you are trying to remember who that girl is, the one that you rehearsed and researched, rather than the one that you were born as. Be casually you, and what I mean by that is be the you that takes no effort or force…NATURALLY YOU. Then there is no need to remember anything because it comes naturally and without any thought.
- Another thing that sucks about this is that normally with these kinds of relationships, your the one and ONLY one trying to keep it together. He has made it clear that he’s not interested or doesn’t want to be in the relationship/situationship with you, but because you feel as though “YOU HAVE FOUND” your missing piece then your fighting hard to keep what you think is beneficial for the both of you. Think about how much your hurting yourself and waisting your time. These are the years in your life when you should be strongly considering what YOUR future will be and what legacy you want to leave. Never dedicate your life to someone who never asked for your commitment.
- Lastly I was reading a post by Courtney (thebwerd.com) and she was talking about relationships as well, but the best thing she said in that post was “Companionship is complimentary not completion”. This is something we as women need to strongly consider and take seriously. It is so true, that sometimes we get caught up in what seems to be the latest fad.Which right now seems to be relationships and marriage, but you never how many of those are truly genuine and happy. Ladies let us join one another and find happiness within ourselves. It takes a strong woman to love herself, but it takes a real woman to find peace and strength within herself.
Allowing my husband to find me and taking time to myself is the best thing that I could have ever done. The things that we went through and had to conquer together made me know or should I say confirmed that God allowed my king to find me and that it was HE that sent him to me. There is nothing better in a relationship than Godly Confirmation. But in order to get that you must submit to the rules given. Let him find you, and when he does, make sure your having fun during his search. Trust me it makes him appreciate you more and allows you to love him more!
Love is only beneficial when it doesn’t hurt, but when it takes more than it gives, it should be reconsidered.