Am I who I’m Expecting?

“Therefore whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do to them; for this is the law and the prophets.”

Matthew7:12

I recently wrote a blog about me and how I shouldn’t expect others to be me in relationships. Well the other day I was cooking, and God gave me a revelation. He asked, ” Are you being what you’re expecting others to be to you?” Now, I know that it’s confusing, considering I said stop expecting me out of others. But I honestly had to assess myself, because how you treat me is how I’m going to treat you. That’s how I’ve been all my life and, in every relationship, that I’ve been in, be it a friendship, associateship, workshop, or a monogamous relationship, I’ve always carried that same attitude. But, when I heard this from God the other day, it was a true eye opener for me, because that’s not what he means for me to be. I give my all in all of my “SHIPS” if I’m truly invested, but if I feel at any moment that it’s not being reciprocated, then I back out abruptly. Or, I simply begin to treat you the same as I feel I’m being treated.

Now, although I am seeking to making adjustments and change for the better on my end, that doesn’t mean that I will be taken advantage of. I may not seem or look like it to many, but I am genuinely a nice person and it seems to have been a struggle for me to trust people. So, once I do begin to trust you, I give my all and sometimes that hurts me in the end. I noticed that it was something that I needed to change also, because in my marriage, I have to give my all regardless of what the temperature is at the time. Don’t get me wrong, John is far beyond amazing, but like every relationship we have our moments. Mostly when we argue, however I feel he’s talking to me, that is in turn how I handle or talk to him. I have a son now and I never want him to consume or be around that type of energy, so there are things to consider. Not only that, I have a marriage that I want to last a lifetime and it’s easier to have a conversation rather than argue and pollute the comfort of our home.

My main excuse for my attitude or my take on things is “No one will punk me”. Well at 32, I’ve learned that being who you want everyone else to be just creates a better energy for me. This is not to say that I will be punked in any way, but I will digress and back out gracefully at this point. Or at least try, naturally I can be aggressive at times, but at some point, you become mentally and spiritually mature and you have to handle things differently!

“Growth doesn’t come immediately, but when the time comes it blossoms and shines within you! “

-Jai-