I Want You!

I want you, but I don’t need you, see the difference. 

-Bhakti-

Living is a privilege within itself, but living and being confident, strong, and independent is a gift. There are so many people that are looking for someone to complete them. Looking for that one person to make them feel whole. Is it not ok, to be whole before you meet that one? Who made up the rule that we are both 50 50 and together we make 100? Why can’t we come together whole (100) and make 200. This is something that I have found to be a flaw at times.

Growing up my mom always made sure that I would be confident. She always made sure that I knew that with nobody I am enough. Work hard, live out your goals, and gain success all on your own. Of course, at the time, I’m like ok mother, never knowing that what she was trying to instill in me would be very essential to my being as a whole. I needed that in order to become me. I would never feel complete if I didn’t have me. I had a relationship with myself, I got to know myself, and for myself, I conquered all of my self-goals. One goal that I never set for myself was to have a family. I always felt that if that was meant for me, then God would bless me with it.

Well as we can see, God saw fit! When I met John, we were friends and at the time I wasn’t in need of anything. I was self-happy and enjoying life was my goal. We began hanging out and it was his mind, how it worked, how he seen things, how he carried himself, his goals, and what he seen at the end of the tunnel that made me gain interest. I kind of pushed the issue that I was good on my own, which could have run him away, but because God had him for me, he withstood my crazy.

The thing that I want y’all to see is that I never needed John to complete me. I was good, because ultimately, I had God and the comfort that I found in him was enough. Secondly, I had gained the confidence that I needed in order to make life comfortable for me. I was no longer trying to impress anyone or trying to get anyone. I lived by my own rules and at one point I didn’t care what anyone had to say about it. In my opinion that’s what works.

At this point in my life, I have realized that without John I will still be complete, but I wouldn’t be fulfilled. I never felt like I needed him, but after getting to know him, I wanted him. Even today, I still want him. I want to know what he’s thinking, I want to feel his warmth, I want to have his company, I want to tell him about my day, I want to enjoy life with him, I want to live out my goals with him, I want to worship God with him, I want to be his partner. After those wants begin to set in, they soon become a desire. This is what makes it work for me. I don’t want the pressure of feeling like I need him, I want the pleasure of wanting him. Place yourself in a position where you want your life partner, and I’m telling you, it will grant you the pleasure of happiness. Understand that you are good and get to place where you are 100% happy with you and your successes and allow God to send you what you desire.

I had happiness without you, but I have joy with you! I choose to live in peace with joy in my life. Choose to live with what you want, not what you need. 

-Jai- 

Also check yo girl out in Voyage Magazine!

http://voyagehouston.com/interview/check-jai-martin-s-story/