Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen!
-Hebrews 11:1-
On July 21st 2015, I had my first seizure. Every month after that for the past four years I would have them every month, up to 5 or 6 within 24 hours. The first time it happened I felt so weak and helpless after I found out what happened. I woke up to my husband over me asking was ok and telling me to just hold on because help would come soon. He looked so afraid and calm at the same time. I could tell that he was only calm because he didn’t want me to panic. Something had happened and whatever it was, it had me sore, him scared, and in a wet bed. Who would have ever known that my vows (through sickness and health) would come into play so soon.
When a seizure happens, it seems like an out of body experience. I have no idea that it’s happening, all I know is I awake to a room full of people that I know, but I have no idea how I know them or what their names are. What hurt the most is when my son came into this world and when I would have them with him in the room I wouldn’t know who he was. I wouldn’t know my parents, my husband, or my own child’s name. It takes me about good 20-30 mins to gather my thoughts and remember who I am and who the people are around me. But, afterwards, for the remainder of that day, I am no good. I sleep the entire day without waking up at all, unless I have a few more seizures within that same day.
Because of this, me and my little family of three had to move in with my parents for a while. We were so afraid that one day I would be home alone or even at home with Bailyr once he arrived and have a seizure. The mere thought of that scared the life out of me, so moving in with my parents was the best thing at the time. I wouldn’t be able to stay home alone, so I would have to go with my mom to work or just be with her wherever she went, unless John was off. Clearly, normalcy wasn’t an option anymore.
How could I be someone’s mother if I couldn’t even take care of myself. God is amazing though, because sometimes I sit and think, some people who have seizures have them randomly, any time and any place. Well, though God allowed me to go through this season, I only had them in my sleep. That could be a nap or overnight, but I am grateful for the grace that he showed me, even in the middle of my issue. The other part of his grace, I had seizures throughout my pregnancy and even the doctors were shocked that it didn’t affect my baby in any way form or fashion. Honestly, that’s what mattered most to me.
Well at the beginning of 2019 on January 4th I had a few seizures and the remainder of that day was a wash. I woke up the next morning and as usual after a day of seizures I would be down, depressed, and dreadfully sore. But, I was surrounded by people who were steadfast and knew that my greater was coming and the prayers never ceased.
Here we are in 2020 and I am more than grateful, thankful, and joyous to say that it has been a whole year today since I’ve had a seizure and I feel great. God is amazing and he never fails, even when your situation seems hopeless and your sense of normalcy has faded, he steps in and makes everything seem BETTER THAN IT COULD’VE BEEN! That said, I THANK GOD SOOOOOOOOOO much, because without him none of this would be possible and the light at the end of the tunnel would have never appeared. I also thank him for my parents and my husband who were there every step of the way and never missed a beat. This didn’t only take a toll on me, but on everyone surrounding me, but in the midst of watching me have them, countless doctors appointments, and recovery after multiple seizures in one day, they remained faithful and strong. Even for the family that would come over after finding out I had one and try to assist with Bailyr. I am very appreciative of everyone’s prayers. This was an extremely long post and if you stuck around this long I thank you so much for sharing this moment and time of gratefulness.
My faith has been strengthened and through this my family has only been made strong. You’re an amazing God and I will forever praise your name!
-Jai-