Looking for HER

Intro:

Sometimes its the hardest thing in this life to try and find our purpose. Looking at our friends, famous people, and just other supposed successful people can sometimes be discouraging to who we are and who we are trying to or wish to be. Let me just take a minute and speak for myself, I had the hardest time trying to find myself outside of what everyone wanted or thought I should be. Is it always fair or right, NOT AT ALL, but most times people (family/parents) don’t realize that they are in a way pushing you further away from who you think you are, simply because you want to make them happy. Now, is the time that we start the journey to finding ourselves and figuring out what we want.

Where Am I?

When I started this journey called independent life I was so lost and had no idea where I was nor did I know anything about who I was. I have always been a very determined person and whatever I thought I wanted I would try my best to get. I will never forget, my second year out of high school I was sitting at home and I was just thinking is this really what I want to do, why the hell are you here? I was in a relationship and at the time my boyfriend and I decided we were going to take a break, but I thought ultimately that with him is where I wanted to be. Being young, dumb, and what I thought was in love (lol) I decided to get up and move to San Antonio for college which was closer to him, because he was at Texas State. My thought was I don’t want to go where he is because then he will think I am chasing him, so instead I will go to a college not far and make it seem like he was the furthest thing from my mind. Crazy huh? lol. In the midst of moving I discovered that I always did want to move out of the city and try living life without my foundation. Crazy to say although that relationship didn’t work out, I ran into one of the best people ever and that decision changed my life forever. So figure out where you are mentally and physically, then decide if that is really where you want to be, is it what’s best for you!!

Who am I?

For the longest I had no idea who I was, being successful and having money is all that I knew I wanted. What I wanted to or needed to do to get it never even crossed my mind. When I was younger my ultimate goal was to become a supreme court judge…..a very well dressed one. Once I started school and I began to take classes that had any involvement with law and politics I figured out how much of an attitude I had and how pissed off I would get about certain things. I knew that I wasn’t interested in learning how to redirect my anger therefore I just left it all. I am still interested in law/politics but to go through all of the proper procedures to get where I wanted to be ultimately, NEGATIVE. I began to notice that fashion was so important to me and that I was in love with clothes, style and how my wardrobe came together. I loved going to fashion events, but not only for my outfit, but for my voice to be heard as well. There are so many young women in this world that come to me for my opinion on not only clothes, but also life. I am a young lady that has the power to change the life of others with the guidance of God and the willingness to live a certain way. Who are you?

What is my Why?

This was the biggest thing for me, simply because I always wanted to live for me and me only. I was tired of trying to please others and I just wanted to live and if that meant be a sinner that’s what I wanted to do. Then I realized one day that my life was never just my own and I had a purpose that was so much deeper than me and what I wanted. Once I was willing to submit to that I found that life became a bit easier and that I was actually pleased with helping others. Now is that to say that I am all the way there, and I have completely turned my life around and living holier than thou? NOT AT ALL, but what I am saying is I try very hard to live a life that can be helpful to my younger siblings and cousins. I have found that my style and eye for fashion will and can take me places I have never been and in that I can be heard and help so many others. My Why? Is to be my best me so that another young lady that I come in contact with can find her freedom and possibly her very own WHY!!

You get one chance to write your story, don’t leave your pages blank.

-Jai-

Now I do know this blog was rather long, but I am so very interested in your thoughts and comments!