Mother / Daughter Relationships

Relationship:

-the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected

-the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other

One of the most important relationships in this life is the one you share with your parents. As a daughter the one you share with your dad is the one that spoils you, but the one you share with your mother means so much more than being spoiled. As a little girl your mom is the first woman you get to know, the first one you see flaws and all, and the first one that shows you what your role in this world should be or at least what it is as a woman. Now I do understand that all of us aren’t fortunate enough to grow up with our mothers, but there is normally someone that steps in and NOT take her place, but helps you in every way possible. Thankfully I was able to be raised by my mother and had an example in my home.

So lets start this off by being real, I am not in any way, form, or fashion going to make it seem as though me and my mom had it going on while I was growing up. Like we had the best relationship or I’ve always known that being like her was my biggest goal. NEGATIVE…………….Now don’t get me wrong, my mother is a stand up type of gal, she worked hard, she loved me, and she was always there. Now, most would say that I don’t know or understand what a relationship struggle is simply because I was raised in a two parent household, but my parents were a team and they made sure I knew that. They stood together and were never against each other in front of me (I never seen them argue). My mother was the disciplinarian and made sure that what she said I knew was to be done and never questioned.

It is very complicated to have a steady thing when you have one strong-willed child vs. a loud, determined, and heavy footed woman. My mom was a spare the rod spoil the child type of woman, meaning she strongly believed in that and sparing the rod for her was never an option. I would get popped, hit, or whooped wherever whenever. This is what she believed would make me a better person, if I knew right from wrong. I had a very bad attitude……..NEVER liked to feel embarrassed, put on front street, or told off in public. Now as bad as my attitude was I knew my mom wasn’t the one to play with so I would never say anything back, but to this day my face says way more than my mouth ever can or will. This is one of the things that got me in trouble the most, MY ATTITUDE.

Growing up I felt like I was alone and that because my parents were such a team, and the spokesperson was all about whooping being the answer then so I felt I had to defend myself against them. I felt this way not only about them, but about everyone else as well, I felt as though I stood alone and if I wanted to be protected then it was best that I just defend and protect myself. As I grew up things got worst, simply because at this point I am growing into a young woman now and my attitude isn’t getting any better. You know the older you get as a young woman, the famous saying is “You smelling yourself.” Well I began to smell myself and feel like defending myself was the way to go, facial expressions and all. Talking to me, even if you were on my side was very complicated and trying to make me understand where I was wrong in ANY situation was completely impossible. Now this made things in my household a lot harder because my mom wasn’t a back down easy ground type of woman. She felt that every adult in this world is to be respected, but she was the main one that I would show respect to, like or not. What I didn’t realize then is, my mother was always on my side, but due to my attitude being so horrible and me hardly ever listening to her it was very complicated for her to show her support. Its hard to realize your wrong in any situation, but even harder to listen to someone tell you where your wrong.

I feel like I would have accepted it way better if the delivery would have been better, but I could have played a better role as well. So with all of that being said me and mom didn’t really ever get along. I had hard feelings towards her and listening wasn’t a skill that I wanted to learn. Due to there being an issue with me feeling the need to defend myself against my mother that feeling carried out with everyone else as well. I never felt like anyone made me a priority or like I was number one to or for anybody. So I felt I stood alone and like I would only ever be important to me. Another issue that I had growing up was feeling like I was enough, what I mean by that is there were two of us in my house. As far as children that were actually my parents, me and my older brother. For some reason though my mother has always felt that one of her roles in this life as far as her christian life was concerned was to help other children. Meaning there was always someone else in our house that my parents were raising, never just me and my brother. Due to this I felt like I was never enough for her, like she was always looking for the child she never had.

Needless to say maturity was needed on my part as well as spiritual growth. So time went by and I went on a college tour (every college in Texas) and then I moved back home. When I moved back home I felt that I was grown, but had a done a small amount of maturing. There was a relationship class started at our church entitled Marriage and More, I began to attend that class with my mom…….not looking for any goals, I was not engaged at the time or anything we were just showing support. So as we began going we noticed that it wasn’t only about marriage, but relationships period, so we began to open up and give our input. As we began to do so, we began to notice things about each other and get a clear understanding on how we felt and how we wanted to feel. When I tell you guys that this class changed my entire life and mostly my relationship with my mom. Since this class, which was about five or six years ago now, me and my mom have been making up for lost time and she is truly my best friend. I never noticed how much this one relationship could change the standard of the other relationships that I was apart of.

With all of this being said and sharing my story with you guys what I am trying to get across is, ladies develop a relationship with your mother or the person who played that part in your life. Its far more important than you could ever imagine and will mean the world to both you and her.

• A daughter is God’s way of saying, “Thought you could use a lifelong friend.”

To My Mommy:

Your amazing in every facet of the word and I take every opportunity to let you know. I have always wanted a best friend that I can trust and tell my deepest secrets and thoughts, but never did I think that God would give me you. I love you and will never in this life take you for granted again, I that God all the time for giving me you as my life long and oldest (lol) best friend.

-Jai-