Let’s just say this year hasn’t started off all that great for me. I mean it started off normally, but I lost a piece of me that can never be replaced, a piece that can never be recreated, and a piece that I will forever long for. My grandfather was a major part of my life and I have always had a special place in my heart for him. And this year started off with me losing a piece of life that can never be relived or replaced, which made it awfully hard for me to set any goals, have any new year’s resolutions, and in all honesty I wasn’t concerned at all with what the year could/would have in store. So on to the topic at hand, symbolism. The reasoning for the title of the topic at hand “Symbolism” is because when your young you always hear people talk about the things they see and what they mean, for example, the dream of fish meaning your pregnant. Well for the past two or three months I have been hearing an owl outside of my window every night and it was beginning to creep me out. I was told that an owl represents death, so of course that scared the life out of me. I just couldn’t seem to figure out who or if it was really for me period, not to mention if it was even true. What’s even creepier is that on last Saturday, I was taking my paternal grandmother to the grocery store when I looked up and on the sign there was an owl. Now at this point I am really beginning to put some serious thought into this, but I wanted to be sure I wasn’t tripping so I asked my grandmother could she see him as well, when she told me that she seen him I felt a bit more at ease, but still scared out of my mind. I asked her had she ever heard of the old tale about owls and she said no, so that gave me a bit of hope that maybe it wasn’t true but just a tale. The following Wednesday morning I received a call saying there was nothing else that the doctors could do and I needed to go and sit with my maternal grandmother. I decided to take her and my great aunt to the hospital thinking we were just going for a visit and prayer would work a miracle that our family would forever be grateful for. Unfortunately that prayer wasn’t answered, at least not in the way we wanted, because later that night my grandfather left this place called Earth. This is when I figured that the tale wasn’t just an old Indian story or just some thing passed down, but it was true, not the greatest thing or anything I wanted to ever experience again, but TRUE. I say all of that to say, old people aren’t just telling us things they heard, but things they’ve experienced and KNOW to be true. Hold on to wisdom and listen to experience, grab ahold to the things that will definitely bring benefit and teach you lessons that you will one day be able to pass down to your own.
My Thoughts:
I love you so much Norris Hillsman Sr. and my heart will never heal. All I can remember is the last conversation we had and how you told me how proud of me you were and that I needed to keep in mind that I need to set an example and keep my little cousins in mind. I never in a million years thought that would be the last time I would talk to you or the last time that I would hear your voice. I would do anything to hear you ask me for that twenty dollars again, or to hear you tell me how funny looking but handsome my son is, or to watch you flicker the lights when you’ve had enough company and ready for us all to leave. Your the best and will never be replaced, I will miss you forever and always long for the warmth in your arms when you would hug me, or the tobacco on your breath from the last cigarette you smoked, or you trying to make me eat pig tails (ugh). I love you and hope that you can keep God entertained until we all meet again.
Never mistreat what can’t be replaced, cherish the moments that can’t be relived, and love those who you will never find again.
-Jai-